Do you feel conflicted? Me too! Let’s sing this song together to commiserate! Wait, nevermind. It has a crappy time signature.

I was sitting in my new and temporary room, my parents’ basement, writing lyrics that basically summed up everything bad I was feeling (and hearing, damn top 40 radio) after being “back home” for a few days. I was struggling to find a conclusion that would summarize all those disconnected thoughts. Jesse’s story was sitting on my desk, and I thought about a line I love so much from it, “Like that train, as it goes there is nothing left but the thunderous passing of everything.” Perfect. I’m sure part of my connection with that line comes from knowing and loving the very location that inspired it, but I’m also sure that it’s a great line regardless. There’ve been a lot of moments lately where all I can hear is that thunder. Hopefully y’all can hear this all the way out in Carolina.

I’ve been putting off doing the top 5, because I’m honestly scared of doing a disservice to such inspiring material with my words. These are songs that have broken through whatever filter I use to keep the world at a safe distance, and they’ve genuinely made me feel like something else for a few minutes. Or made me feel like doing something else. I mean, I love talking about them because it helps me understand more precisely why I love them and hopefully I’m sharing something new with you, but I’m all, “If I don’t adequately make them sound as awesome as they seem to me, I’m doing the artist an injustice.” I suppose that’s the risk they’ve already taken when they put themselves out there, though, eh? Oh, art.

Also, when I get into the top 5, the actual rankings lose whatever importance they already had. I could give myself reasons to rearrange the top 5 for eternity. Well, top 3 for sure. But really, it’s just another list. A list of good songs…

If you’re reading this, I’ve left. Left North Carolina. I exit heavier, armored with new experiences and too much love to really think about. Y’all know who you are, so I need not name any names when I say there is no way to express enough gratitude for the personal growth I’ve been allowed to experience alongside your own blood, sweat, tears, creation, destruction, gains, losses, and laughter. Mostly laughter. Damn if I don’t wear your memories like a tattoo. I love you.
So that’s off my chest. This song wasn’t …

Because of my increasingly present reflective mood, I decided to take a look at the old MySpace blog today. I do this from time to time, almost as some kind of realignment ritual. Does that make any sense? It almost scares me how much my (inner) life has changed in the past 5 years. I came across something I posted almost immediately after moving down here to North Carolina, and it hit me as pretty humorous how differently things turned out from how I was evidently planning.